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I have routinely screened and assessed for the top three most disruptive triggers for my couples, and my individual clients wanting to improve their romantic relationship. I define a trigger as anything that causes them to grossly over-react to their partners perceived offense. I routinely give both parties the ACE test. (Adverse Childhood Experiences) I have noticed that developmental trauma creates out of control triggers in our romantic attachments later in life.
Click here to access the ACE Test.
For example, one of my male clients raged and became verbally abusive (Fight response) when he perceived his partner as wasting money or not earning enough money. Sure enough, his ACE showed he grew up with hunger and poverty. His partner grew up with an emotionally and verbally abusive father. Her greatest trigger was verbal abuse and resulted in her physically fleeing from him and taking their young baby with her. (Flight response) When she moved out of the home he would go into a dorsal vagal collapse and become non-functioning. (Freeze response) When he was seven years old, his father drove away from home and he never saw him again. Eventually, he would mobilize again and begin bargaining and promising his wife everything would be different, if only she would come home. (Fawn response) This couple would go round and round in an endless loop of limbic hijack. Their ability to employ effective couple’s communication skills went out the window as soon as either of them were triggered in present time by old and painful childhood memories.
It is crucial not to only Brainspot the Traumas. We must Brainspot the current and most destructive triggers for both of them. It is the only way out. In six sessions, I alternated Brainspotting each of their top three triggers. Their nervous systems settled and became regulated. They had a renewed understanding and profound empathy for the others deep childhood wounds. They both felt an unwavering desire and commitment to being a protector to the other's wounded child parts. When he went into financial fear, he no longer verbally abused her like her father had. He shared his fear. She began to get serious about seeking employment with a steady paycheck to protect that hungry and impoverished seven-year-old boy that lived inside her husband.
This couple was no longer hijacked in their Autonomic Nervous Systems in endless cycles of Flight, Fight, Fawn or Freeze responses).
If you would like to learn more about Assessing Romantic Triggers and Brainspotting those that are sabotaging your client’s relationships, come to the Trauma Mama Free Consultation on Thursday, January 16th at 8:00am HI/ 11:00am PST/2:00pm EST/ 9:00pm CET.
***Please note: To protect the privacy of our demo volunteers, TM hours ARE NOT recorded for distribution.***
Please contact us if you want to volunteer to have Lisa Larson work on your biggest relationship trigger with your partner. Email us at: training@pacifictraumacenter.com
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us06web.zoom.us/j/89782049440?pwd=sXo7tW8b43P3Xx7lbdfE3xlvMNWBed.1
Meeting ID: 897 8204 9440
Passcode: 077411
Sincerely,
Lisa Larson, LMFT
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